The Chronicles of Marnia and Jennifer
by Marn and Jenn
Summary: Which, despite the title, has absolutely nothing to do with Narnia and everything to do with Hogwarts. The almost diaries of two cousins who arrive at wizarding school just in time for the Triwizard Tournament.
1. American Invasion

**Jennifer's Point of View**

We got on the plane at DFW airport after much hugging and yelling and crabbing (mostly on Grandma's part) from our giant entourage (otherwise known as our family).We were currently sitting in our seats in the middle of the plane, nearly to England. We were going to land in London and meet our contact, some lady named Professor McGonagall, and take a train to the school. I turned to my cousin. "Hey Marn? Are we there yet?"

"No, Jennifer, we aren't there yet. Just like the last time you asked, and the time before, and the time before that, and all the other times you've asked. Now shut up and watch your freaking movie."

"But I'm bored. And I've seen this one. Twice. And my entertainment sources died."

"Yeah, died from looking at your face."

"At least I'm not a gnome."

"Shut up."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"How about now?"

"No."

"How about…"

"We are now beginning our final descent. Please fasten your seatbelts and put your seats and trays in their upright positions," said the flight attendant.

"Someone must love me," said Marn.

"Jesus loves the little children. All the children of the world," I sing-songed.

"Shut up, Jennifer."

I snorted.

Yeah, most of our conversations are pretty stupid and mostly involve us insulting someone (mainly each other). Don't worry; we're intelligent the rest of the time...mostly. We do make quite an odd pair, though- we look like polar opposites, but have the same dark brown eyes. Pretty much the only thing we have in common. (Appearance-wise, anyway).

**Marnie's Point of View**

Approximately an hour later, we had our suitcases in hand and were lined up (as much as two people could be, anyway) near the baggage claim carousel. I assume we looked pretty silly. I, being a fifteen-year old girl, stand only 5'2". Jenn, at the age of 13, is almost 5'7". This does wonders for my self-esteem. Not to mention that she has gorgeous, waist-length, wavy black hair. Mine, on the other hand, is uncontrollably curly and frizzy, in a sort of darker Carrot-Top reddish brown fro like thing. Icky.

An old woman wearing what amounted to lots of old bathrobes and a pointy hat walked over to us calmly. "Oh God. The crazy lady's coming this way, Marn! Quick, where can we hide?" Jenn said. The woman stopped in front of us. "You must be the Foster girls," she said in a clipped, formal tone.

"Yes," I said. "I'm Marnie and this is Jennifer."

"I see. You may call me Professor McGonagall."

"Come this way" said the Professor. She exited the building and walked to the subway station. We got in "the tube" as they call it, and took it to King's Cross station.

**Approximately an hour later**

We arrived at King's Cross station, and walked to the column between "platforms" 9 and 10 (we call them gates) and stopped in front of it. I leaned into Jennifer. "She does know that's a brick wall, right?"

"I certainly hope so."

The Professor turned to us. "Go ahead, girls."

"Go ahead where?" Jennifer questioned.

"Why, through the barrier, of course! It was all covered in the introduction manual. I owled it to you a month ago."

"Owl? As in the bird? Or some strange British form of mail?" I asked.

"Oh, dear. I knew this would be a problem."

"Not to sound rude, but could you explain? We're totally lost here," said Jenn.

And so that was how we found out that we were witches, and that we had been raised as muggles. Long story short, we got to the school and were totally surprised. It wasn't a school. It was a friggin' castle.


	2. A Sorting

**Marnie's Point of View**

We were just staying in the castle for a week. We slept in the Slytherin Dungeons, which are cool because they're a series of dungeons and there's portraits of some guy named Salazar Slytherin all over the place (which is kinda creepy, mostly because the pictures talk.) We were sleeping in a friggin' dungeon! Awesome! Though the main room doesn't look much like a dungeon; the dark wood paneling and weapons hanging all over the place made it seem like the Viking Room or something.

The students were arriving, so we went to the astronomy tower to watch them. They all came by train, and then the young ones got into little boats and the older ones got into carriages that moved by themselves, like little old fashioned cars. This huge guy was walking around talking to people. He looked like a giant! (The scary thing is, he might actually be one.) Anyway, there were like a billion students, all dressed in a uniform with a long cape. The older kids had colored accessories like scarves and sweaters that were green, blue, red, or yellow, depending on their house. The youngest kids had no colors, just like Jenn and I. The professor told us that once we were "sorted" later, we would be given colors and a place to stay. We still had no idea HOW we were going to be "sorted" but, according to the professor, none of the little kids did, either. "No matter what, I am not giving up my rainbow colored scarf," said Jenn.

'I know." I said "I want the green house. Green's such a cool color. Yuck, yellow! It'd suck to be in that house. They look like giant bumblebees!"

Jenn laughed and said, "We should probably go soon." We turned and walked back inside.

**Jennifer's Point of View**

We walked down the many MOVING steps of Hogwarts. The pictures moved, too. They had personalities. Some were smart, some were stuck up, and some were just plain retarded (cough) crazy knight (cough). Some- scratch that- most of the portraits were of dead people who were still talking and moving like they were alive. That, quite frankly, creeped me out a lot.

We walked down the corridor to the entrance hall. Some little kids were lined up outside of the door. They were all bundled up (it's friggin' cold in the U.K.) and whispering. Some of them gave us looks as if to say "why are you here?" I guess being older than everyone else ('cept the teachers) kinda confused them. It confused_ us_, to be honest. We stood outside the door for a long time waiting for Professor McGonagall. When she arrived, she explained that we were to wait until our names were called and then sit on the stool at the front of the stage. "Seems easy enough," I whispered to Marn. "Yeah, pretty much," She replied. McGonagall opened the doors and ushered us inside the humongous room.

We'd been in there before, but never with so many people. It was huge even with a ton of people in it Everybody was divided between the four very long tables. Each table had two colors and an animal on the banners hanging from the ceiling above it. At least, where the ceiling should be. In place of the ceiling, there was a night sky. There was also a stage. McGonagall was standing there, next to a rickety old stool, holding an icky hat.

We all filed up to the stage where McGonagall pulled out a scroll. She'd call out a name, then the person would sit on the stool and she'd place the hat on their head. The hat would sit quietly for a few seconds, and then yell gibberish like "RAVENCLAW!!!" at the top of its lungs. And, wow, that sentence sounds so weird. Shocking me out of my daydreams, McGonagall called my name. I walked up to the stool and she put Mr. Pointy Hat on my head. "Well," said a voice. It was one of the eeriest experiences in my life, and it told me off for thinking as much. "I resent being treated with such… forwardness," was what it said. "Yes, sir," I replied. The hat started listing off my qualities, then abruptly stopped and called out "SLYTHERIN!!!" The table to my far left with the green and silver banners stood and applauded. Well, everyone applauded, like they had for all the others, but only that table was standing. I assumed that meant I was with them. I walked over and took an empty seat (well, an empty space on the bench). Marn gave me the thumbs up and a goofy grin as I passed.

**Marnie's Point of View**

After Jenn was called and sorted into the green house, I was called immediately to the stool. The hat was placed on my head. I pulled it down at a rakish angle over one eye. My first thought was that it smelt funny. "Hello, Mr. Pointy Hat." I addressed my headgear loudly. "I resent that" he replied. "You resent a lot of things, don't you?" He glared down over his brim "Be quiet. I'm trying to work here." I smiled my most innocent smile. "Ok then." The hat began muttering, and stopped after about eight seconds. "RAVENCLAW!!!" it shouted. Slightly dazed from the hat's EXTREME VOLUME, I got up and began walking to the table Jenn had just sat at. However, as soon as I got there a boy with silvery blond hair stood and faced me. "What're you doing?" he asked. "You go to the blue one" He pointed, indicating I should walk the exact opposite direction of where I was headed. "K thanks" I said, and gave him a little pat on the cheek (his face, you pervs. I didn't grab his butt. Yet.) He was kinda cute for a blond. Pretty eyes, too. I turned and walked to my table.

I plopped down next to a girl with long black hair, across from a boy with long bright red hair. "Hey kids" I said. About nine of the students in my immediate vicinity looked shocked at my flowing southern accent (which is, undoubtedly, American). I decided to try again and introduced myself. All I got in response this time was the boy across from me saying "you're a little big to be in first year." I reached across the table and gave him a little slap on the shoulder. He jumped. "Sorry. I should've warned you. I'm violent." I said. "I noticed" he quipped. "Hey!" I looked at him and realized he was the only one at the table not wearing blue (except me, of course). He was wearing red. "Are you at the right table?" I asked him "Nope." He replied casually. "I'm making a few business transactions. The name's Fred, by the way." I smiled and extended my hand. He flinched. "Relax, it's just a handshake." He shook my hand. Darn him for hiding one of those joy buzzers in his palm. Oh, well. What's a little electrical shock between friends? I think he was pleasantly surprised when I laughed instead of hitting him. "I see you're a prankster", I said. "Guilty as charged", he jokingly replied.

We joked around all through dinner and I'd be lying if I didn't say there was a little flirtation going on. We compared schedules and found out that we had Free Period at the same time. "Great!" Fred said excitedly. "I'll actually have something to do this year!" I blushed a little. This is going to be fun. I started heading back to my room. "Uh, Marnie? Those are the Slytherin dormitories." Fred told me. "I know. I'm picking up my stuff and messing around. Wanna come with?" I asked with a jovial smile. "I could never refuse" he said. We headed off down the corridor.

**Jennifer's Point of View**

I watched Marnie as she walked toward me. Score, we're both in the green house. Or not… I saw a blond boy stand up from my table and walk over to her, and then explain where she was supposed to go. He seems nice. I looked at my surroundings and noticed that I had sat in the midst of a large group of people that I didn't know and hadn't ever seen before in my life. Which wasn't that hard seeing as that was the case for most of the people here, save for Marn and Professor McGonagall. I looked over to the blond boy and found that he was sitting between these two monstrously large guys that looked like the Russian Mafia in training. Which, considering where we are and all, they could be. There were also a few other boys around the table, none of which were very cute (case in point the guy with the really funny eyebrows and huge buckteeth- later to be introduced as Marcus Flint). I looked over to Marnie. It looked like she was having fun.(Meaning major flirting). She was talking to a cute redheaded boy (total oxymoron) that was wearing red robes and sitting at the blue table. Is he retarded? She always did know how to pick 'em. Not.

The old guy's speech: long and boring. I didn't even know half of the things he was talking about. (I mean, how am I supposed to know what a hippogriff is anyway?And the Forbidden Forest? These British people have to be stupid to have to be reminded not to go to a place that has the name Forbidden. I mean, come on!)And then he said, "Let the feast begin." He was obviously totally and completely mentally unstable- there was no food …ooh food. There were all kind of foods and after the feast, we were all so full we could hardly move. Listing all that we had to eat would take a week easily. Kids from my table started getting up and leaving the dining room. I got up and followed the group closest to me. I figured I'd just go to the place I'd been sleeping since I got here. A bunch of kids in green were going that way, too, so I guess I was headed in the right direction. I walked up to the picture we'd been using to get in and it asked me for a password. Sadly, I walked slow and was the only one there. "Um… ravenclaw?" I ventured. "Wrong!" The painting cried out "Now you can't ever get in!" I looked at it skeptically. "You're kidding, right? What about my stuff?" The picture looked at me. "From the first day of school on, I need the password or I won't let anyone in." "Crap" I said. "Wrong again," said the picture. "Very vulgar, though. Maybe you do belong in my house." I blinked at it. "You're a picture. What do you mean your house?" The painting sighed dramatically as if it were trying to explain complicated math to a five year old. "I am Salazar Slytherin, or at least his portrait. I founded this house, and I am its guardian." "Ok then." Just then someone walked over and spoke to the portrait. "Mudblood." She said. The portrait nodded and swung open, and I slipped inside behind the girl.

There were a lot of people in the living room. I walked up to the room Marn and I had been sharing. I opened the door and saw the blond boy from earlier, during dinner. He was sitting on the bed I had been using. "Uh…" I said, staring at him. Yeah, cause I'm real intelligent like that. Can't reason my way out of a wet paper bag.The boy turned and looked at me like I was a lunatic. "Um…" I said. "Why are you here?" He looked at me questioningly. "It's my room. Has been for almost three years. And why is there girl stuff all over the place?" He asked, gesturing to an open package of maxi-pads on the nightstand. Marnie is so dead. Naturally, I did what any other girl would of done, and blamed her for it. "Those belong to my cousin!" I practically screamed. "I should probably get everything and go now. Any idea where I stay?" He nodded in agreement, then said "Downstairs, it's the next staircase on the right." Cause, you know, everyone got the memo but me. And Marn, but she's dead as of now."Thanks, I guess." I walked over and started stuffing everything into a suitcase. After I had packed and unpacked in my new room, I realized I never introduced myself due to my humiliation over the pads. I still didn't know the blond guy's name. And he was hot too. "I'm such a genius" I muttered to myself as I flopped down on my new bed.

**Marnie's Point of View**

Fred and I walked down the hall and stopped in front of the Slytherin painting. It was kinda late since we had gotten distracted along the way by various minor pranks, so by the time we arrived the Slytherin painting was asleep. Oh crap. And our cell phones don't work cuz we're in the middle of friggin nowhere, so I can't call Jenn. So it looks like I'm camping out tonight.I turned to Fred. "Got an extra bed anywhere?" I asked. "Girls aren't allowed." He replied. "So that's a yes?" And he nodded.

We walked all the way to the opposite side of the stupid castle to get to the Gryffindor tower. Yup, the green house is in the dungeon on one side, the red house is in a tower on the other. (At least I'm getting some exercise, right?) By the time we got there it was even later, but the Gryffindor picture was still awake. It let us in and we stepped inside. It looked a lot like the other place's living room but cozier, with less green and redder (obviously). Fred got me a blanket so I could crash on the couch. I said goodnight to him and promptly fell asleep.


	3. Singing, Dancing, and Golf Balls

**Marn's POV**

The next morning I woke up at like 6 when the first few people got up to get ready. I ran quickly back to my old room (the painting was hanging open for some Slytherin students) and looked around for my stuff. If I can get all packed and move into my room by the beginning of breakfast, I can grab a shower and get ready in time for first period. However, I realized that my stuff was no longer in the room and there was a strangely familiar blond head poking out of the covers on the bed. Well, that's awkward. I tried to leave before he woke up, but it was too late. He sat up and stretched, completely oblivious to the fact that I was trying to hide by ducking under the bed. I waited until he stood up and stumbled out of the room before I left. So, I figured if my stuff wasn't here, then Jenn had it. Luckily, I ran into her as I was walking through the living room. "Hey Jenn" I said. "Do ya know where my stuff is so I can get it to my new room?" She replied "Sure. My room's right up there." And she pointed to it. So I nodded and ran up the stairs. Luckily all my stuff was dumped in a massive, sprawling heap in the general area around my suitcases sitting outside by the door (cause Jenn's just fantastic like that). I stuffed the extras inside them and brought them back down the stairs.

After about an hour of running around and stopping to ask directions, I found the way to my new dorm. Unfortunately, I could not get inside. There was a bust out front, who told me that she was the guardian of Ravenclaw House. She has to ask a riddle, which I must answer before I am allowed in. I am not a riddle person. I am not a logical person. I wonder if it's too late to switch houses...

Eventually, someone from my house came and answered the riddle for me. She was the girl I sat near last night, who has black hair. Her name is Cho Chang, and she's a year younger than me. These wizarding types have a strange love of alliterative names. Anyway, I found the way to my room (coincidentally, it's in the same area as Cho's) and put my stuff where it belonged. Luckily I declared that today was a free dress day, so I didn't have to start with this whole "uniform" thing yet. I'd probably get in trouble, but who cares. I grabbed a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and some other stuff I needed then ran to the showers. I was finished about 45 minutes later. My schedule said my first period was with someone named Flitwick, Filius. Again with the alliteration. Apparently, he was some kind of coach or something for the Ravenclaw kids. So all I had to do was find his room. I asked some people and ended up finding out where it was and finding a good seat.

The class was really boring and kinda dumb cuz I didn't even have a wand (McGonagall said ours would arrive later today), so I couldn't do like half the stuff. And the most obvious minor detail: I don't know how to do magic in the first place. Plus it was a class with the yellow house (aka Hufflepuff) and those kids are kinda wimpy. No offense, but jeez, grow a spine, people! Second period was the same but it was taught by the huge guy. And we're gonna be working with animals. Which should be cool. After that I had potions, which is kinda like chemistry. The teacher's really weird and seriously needs a bottle of shampoo or something. He kept glaring at me and muttering under his breath, something about 'bloody americans... bloody invading... Fosters'. Anyway, then I had history which was extremely boring (besides the fact that it's taught by a ghost) so I just daydreamed the whole time. Everybody either sleeps or talks through that class anyway.

Lunch was fun, I sat at my table for just enough time to grab some food, then I went to the Gryffindor table to sit with Fred. But there were two of him. Hold on WTF? I did a double take but they were both still there. Brain processing information… does not compute. "Are y'all twins?" I asked. (And yes, I'm from Texas, therefore y'all is a natural part of my vocabulary). They smiled and said "yes" in unison. Which was kinda creepy. But I've known twins before, so I can deal. I asked one of them "So one of you is Fred and one of you is…" Fred was apparently seated across from me and said "That's George," indicating the boy next to me. Damn. I miscalculated. I wanted to sit by the other one. I smiled and offered my hand. "Nice to meet you." We shook and kept eating.

I finished eating lunch with the guys. George looked at me. "Do you wanna go golfing?" he asked.

"You guys are wizards. How do you even golf?"

"Our dad's kind of obsessed with muggles. So we know how."

I raised an eyebrow. "Why not?"

We got up and walked down the hall. The two of them led me through a secret passageway (it honestly looked the same as the rest of the hallways, but I could tell what it was by the way it was positioned behind a statue and the way that Fred and George did double-agent top-secret incognito looks left and right as conspicuously as possible before entering). We walked up a flight of stairs, with George following behind. We paused at the top, and then went through a door. It opened onto a balcony above a large hallway, with a lot of students milling about all over the place. They had a tee in place and a golf bag propped against a wall. "Come here often?" I joked. They laughed. "Now, let me teach you how to play," Fred said, pulling a club out of the bag and getting a ball out of the pouch. "I know how," I said, grabbing the golf club and ball from his hands. "I was raised as a muggle, you know." I didn't even wait for him to reply. I plunked the ball down on the tee and got in position, ready to swing. "FORE!!" George yelled. And then I let it swing. Unfortunately my extremely bright cousin, who is oh so amazing, stopped right below the balcony and looked up. Just in time for the ball to come down, right between her eyes. "OW!" she yelled. I didn't even wait for her to do something. I knew it was coming, and it was going to hurt. A lot. So I ran back to the door, yanked it open, and hightailed it down the stairs faster than you could say "Hufflepuff." Anyway, I heard the boys hitting what sounded like the wall. I stopped and grimaced, then shook my head and kept walking. Jenn's pretty damn mean when she's pissed. Like me. I'm so proud!

I met up with the guys later in Free Period. They just looked at me sternly. "Oops," I said. "I guess I should've warned you about Jenn. She's vicious." They just looked at me in a confused way. "Who's Jenn?" they asked.

"The girl I hit. My cousin. You know, the one that did that talking thing, and then you with the boom and the... ow..." I obviously still have no comprehension of spells and the way they work.

They raised their eyebrows, then apparently decided my childlike wonder could be ignored, at least for the time being.

"You know her?" Fred asked.

"Yes," I said. "I thought we covered that like 3 sentences ago. She's my cousin."

"So instead of just saying 'woops, sorry about that', you decided to run off and let us get hurt?"

I looked at him quizzically.

"Yeah, I guess so. She has a temper almost as bad as me, so I didn't want to get hurt. So I ran. Sorry about that."

He narrowed his eyes at me, then shook his head slowly and grinned.

"It's okay. I guess I forgive you. For now. But you're on probation."

I shrugged. "Okay."

We walked over to a table and sat down, minus George, who was conveniently not there. He was sitting with a bunch of guys on the other side of the room. Fred and I settled in and started a long, long conversation about pretty much everything. My other classes went pretty well, except for my potions teacher walked up to me when I was going to Divination. "Ms. Foster, I suppose," he said.

"Yep, that's me," I replied. He just glared at me.

"I prefer to be referred to with the amount of respect due to someone of my station," he intoned.

"Ook then."

"I see you are not obeying the rules. Not wearing your uniform is a serious violation of the student code. And on the first day, too. What a pity."

I thought for a second. "So I'm in trouble?"

"Yes. 50 points from Ravenclaw and you are to report to detention for the next three nights. Meet me in Professor Dumbledore's office at 7:30 tonight."

I shrugged. "Ok then."

"Yes,sir," he said sternly.

"That's nice of you, and for future reference, I'm a girl. Not a sir. Sometimes people get that wrong, but for future reference, girls have boobs and longer hair. At least, usually," I said, eyeing his long, greasy locks of filthy nastiness. He looked at me disapprovingly, but apparently found me a waste of time. He turned and strode off down the hall muttering "90 points."

I walked the rest of the way to the Divination classroom, and was kinda late. Whoops. I opened the door. The room was pretty nice. It was painted in dark colors, and there were rugs all over the place. Not just on the floor, they were hanging on the walls and were on the ceiling. There were a whole bunch of easy chairs, arranged in groups of three around tables with embroidered tablecloths. Which wasn't bad and led me to belive I wouldn't totally hate it here, and then I met the teacher.

A shaky older woman tottered over to me. She was really short and skinny, and had frizzy blondish hair that looked like it had been bleached and teased until it was literally fried. She was wearing what would have passed for hippie clothes, but they were all in a weird shade of brown that looked like she only had one pair of clothes and just wore them until they totally fell apart. She addressed me quietly, her voice as shaky and unstable as her personality. "You must be Marnie," she almost whispered.

"Yes, that's me," I replied.

"I am Professor Trelawney. I see things. I see that you will have a rocky road ahead of you, but you will learn from it and grow as a person."

"Yeah, I like ice cream. I'm sure I'll grow. That stuff is sure fattening."

I could've sworn she was rolling her eyes, but I couldn't see them behind her nearly 2- inch thick glasses. The class was uneventful; the teacher just droned on and on about some new- agey psychic shite.

We went to Muggle Studies afterward. Normally, Jenn and I wouldn't be having any classes together, but the Headmaster felt it would help the teacher if we were both together. The class sounds just like what it actually is. We just talk about normal people, and the teacher asks pseudo- intellectual questions such as "What is the purpose of television?" and the students come up with these outlandish explanations, things like "it's so people can talk to each other" and "it provides the only source of humor in their poor, dreary little lives". Yeah, thanks so much. Now I can really see how smart the wizard types are. They know so much, like how the purpose of television is not for entertainment anymore. Jenn and I can so school those kids. Literally. The teacher introduced herself as Professor Burbage and handed each person a rubber duck as we walked in the door. I just stared at mine "Uh, what do I do with this?" I asked. "Precisely. You'll do well in this class," she said. "Today's assignment, class: figure out the purpose of this object and propose some uses for it." The assignment went just fine, but everyone (other than Jenn, obviously) looked at me weird when I pulled out my spiral and ballpoint pen. "What?" I asked. I didn't see that I was the only one until everyone started pulling out old- fashioned quill pens and scrolls. These people are so behind the times, that they don't even have those old fountain pens. And those went out of style in the 1920s. Step one: Modernize this school. I was really doing well on the rubber duck thing, at least until I turned in my paper. The teacher read it and frowned. She raised one eyebrow. "You're telling me that only children and the socially retarded use this life changing device? And how are you qualified to make that call?" I was trying not to laugh.

I just looked at her. "I grew up as a muggle. It's normal to me." She gasped and stood up. "Class, we have a gifted one in our midst! This is so exciting!" I thought she was being sarcastic before she put one hand on my shoulder and started beaming. "We have someone that can actually tell us what muggle life is like!" I asked, "So, do I teach the class what to do?" She looked at me, smiling from ear to ear like her face was going to split open. "I've never seen a student show so much initiative in all my teaching years. Get right up there, miss… um…" "Foster" I told her. "But I need my cousin's help. C'mon, Jenn." She walked to the front of the room as the entire class oohed and aahed over us. We walked to the podium at the front. "Let's teach them the rubber duckie song" she suggested. "It's totally pointless, but they'll look stupid."

"Good idea" I said. We had everyone stand up and hold their rubber duck in their outstretched hand. We started "1,2,1,2,3,4," and then burst into song. We sang it through once, and then the class joined in.

Rubber Duckie, you're the one,  
You make bathtime lots of fun,  
Rubber Duckie, I'm awfully fond of you;  
(woh woh, bee doh!)

Rubber Duckie, joy of joys,  
When I squeeze you, you make noise!  
Rubber Duckie, you're my very best friend, it's true!  
(doo doo doo doooo, doo doo)

Every day when I  
Make my way to the tubby  
I find a little fella who's  
Cute and yellow and chubby  
(rub-a-dub-a-dubby!)

Rubber Duckie, you're so fine  
And I'm lucky that you're mine  
Rubber duckie, I'm awfully fond of you.

Every day when I  
Make my way to the tubby  
I find a little fella who's  
Cute and yellow and chubby  
(rub-a-dub-a-dubby!)

Rubber Duckie, you're so fine  
And I'm lucky that you're mine  
Rubber duckie, I'm awfully fond of -  
Rubber duckie, I'd like a whole pond of -  
Rubber duckie I'm awfully fond of you!  
(doo doo, be doo.)

Halfway through the song- and – dance routine (jazz hands abound) the blond boy from Jenn's house walked through the door. He walked to the teacher, who was actively participating in our little lesson, and handed her a note from someone. The boy was staring at us like we were idiots. Well, we were kind of playing the part. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped. It was probably the most undignified display he'd ever seen. It was the most undignified display I'd ever taken part in. So we were pretty much even there. He just stood there, rooted to the spot, until we were done. Jenn was just laughing the whole time. We did look pretty stupid. We called out to everyone in the class to stop, and then began the chicken dance. I'm sure you know how it goes. Wing thing, shimmy, beak hands, etc. All to a snappy polka beat. Except, we didn't have a CD player or tape deck, so we were kinda making the song noises, going "doo doo doo doo doo do do, doo doo doo doo doo do do, clap clap clap clap. Oh, yeah. We rock. At the end, Jenn and I dropped down on one knee and did the whole fist clenched, soulful look thing that is so popular at the end of boy band dances. The teacher burst into applause, which was quickly (not) followed by everyone else in the class, who had been dancing and singing like they were participating in a funeral. They had just about as much enthusiasm as corpses. The blond dude was still staring. When everyone went back to their seats, he turned and pretty much ran down the hallway. I turned to Jenn. "It's only our first day, and we've already managed to get in trouble and embarrass ourselves in front of a really hot guy. Go us!" We high fived and gathered up our stuff, and then headed to our next class.


	4. A Bonk on the Head and Other Stories

**Jenn's POV**

Ok. So I forgot to get his name. I forgot to introduce myself. I know no one but Marn and I don't think she's allowed in here now. Crap. _And _I'm no good at the whole making friends thing. Friends make friends with me, not the other way around. Cause I'm really kind of shy. Not that you'd be able to tell from my whole running commentary or anything. I looked around the living room area. No one in here looks very nice. Actually they look the opposite. And that guy is scowling really creepily. Yeah, I left really fast. Back up to my room. Which, by the way, is very, very cool.

My room was decorated in green and silver. Which are some of my favorite colors. It was an amazing room. It had a king or queen sized bed- I couldn't tell. It was really big and comfy and that's about it. The door was in the bottom left hand corner (this is being described like an arial view).There were bookshelves all along the bottom right hand corner with a desk for schoolwork and stuff. I also had a really comfy chair for the desk. The entrance to the master bathroom type thing is at the top left hand corner, and it has a huge bathtub and a shower and fuzzy towels and fuzzy rugs and one of those fuzzy toilet covers. Can anyone tell I like the fuzzies? The walk in closet- with more room than I have clothes- is in between the bathroom entrance and the door to my room. In the last corner, we have my extra cozy nook with couch type thing that is similar to a window seat. Only, it's in the dungeons where we don't have windows. The couch thing has almost as many pillows as my bed and some of my stuffed animals. I have a ginormous collection of stuffed animals and pillows. I brought all of them with me.

My stuff was still neatlyish packed away since I hadn't had time to do anything with it yet. This room would be a total pig sty by the end of the week. My laptop didn't work (magical barriers anyone?) so I couldn't do that. I looked at the clock. Considering it was 10:39, I figured I should get some sleep.I walked into the bathroom and put on my pajamas. I crawled into my bed and turned off the lights. Soon I was floating in dreamland. Or whatever you wanna call it. You get my drift.

The next day I got up and ready early. I don't like being late to class because I'm completely and totally lost. By 7:10, I had figured out how to get to my 1st class of the day: Potions. The teacher's name was something extremely strange, Professor Severus Snape- or so it says on the schedule. His name sounded like Serpent Snake. Which is kind of-really- redundant. I don't wanna know what his parents where thinking.

I looked around the room. There weren't many people here this early. All of them had on red robes. Not that there were many. Only three (give or take a few) were here besides me. A girl with red hair and red robes with a lion on the emblem walked over to me. Well, at least she looks nice. "Hi, I'm Ginny Weasly," she said. (I feel so sorry for these British people. They have funny sounding names. Her name sounds like Green Weasel or something along those lines.)"I'm Jennifer Foster," I replied.

"You must be new," Ginny said.

"How did you know? I don't act that clueless do I?" I asked her.

She pointed to my robes, "You don't have any House colors."

I looked down. I still had all black robes with a plain school crest. "Oh, right."

Ginny laughed. " Where are you from? You have an accent but I can't place it."

"I'm from the U.S. I don't have the accent, you do."

Ginny laughed again." Why don't you come sit down? You can be my Potions partner. Professor Snape is really tough on everyone but Slytherins." She pulled me over to where she had been sitting in the back of the room.

"What house are you in?" she asked.

"Uh, I'm in Slytherin. I think."

At that my robes instantly changed color to green on the edges and a snake crest.

"Oh," she said looking slightly crestfallen. "Slytherins and Gryffindors don't usually get along that well."

"If all the Slytherins act like the stuck up brats they look like, I can see why."

"Well you aren't half bad."

"Thanks, I think."

We both started giggling.

Apparently potions is everyone's least favorite class. Everyone but my house that is. I think I'm starting to stick out, don't you? Snape is apparently the head of my house. Guess I'll be seeing a lot of him. Unfortunately. He reminds me of every mean teacher I've ever had, rolled into one with any good qualities taken away. The effect is frightening. Snape really needs to wash his hair too. Ginny turned out to be pretty cool. It makes me happy, I have one friend-ish type person already. She is really helpful when it comes to getting caught up on potion making. I guess it's sort of like chemistry. Which doesn't really help since I've never taken chemistry.

We had to make a sleeping draught today. Ginny and I had finished. Apparently, according to Ginny anyway, I have a natural talent for potions or something like that. I can't see how it could be hard, all you do is follow the directions on the board and hope the potion doesn't go kaboom on you. That happened to one kid. It was hilarious. Anyway, I raised my hand. "Yes, Ms….._Foster_," Snape said. I think he thinks that my last name is weird.

"I was wondering what we do when we're done?" I asked. At that moment _everyone _was staring at me.

"You were wondering were you, Ms. Foster?"

"...Yes."

"Yes what?"

"...Yes…I was wondering?" I was randomly guessing that this was not good.

"Yes sir."

"Yes," I said.

I swear everyone was gaping at us. I was just confused as to how I got myself into these situations.

"10 points from…" Snape trailed off as soon as he saw my crest.

He turned around, muttering something that sounded like 'damn it', and walked to his desk. "Well, what are you waiting for? Get back to work," he practically screamed at the rest of the class. How rude. He didn't even answer my question. So, I had history of magic next, also with the Gryffindors. Ginny also had history, so I basically followed her to the next class. Following pople is a good way to not get lost.

Once we were there, we got seats at the very back of the room. The most unexpected thing in the world happened. Well, not the most unexpected. The most unexpected was finding out we were witches. A ghost came through the blackboard. A ghost. It was almost as creepy as the dead people portraits. And then yet another unexpected thing happened. A girl in blue robes walked in the class and sat next to Ginny. She had blonde hair and was reading a magazine entitled _The Quibbler._ The magazine was upside down. I immediately liked this girl. She reminds me of my family. It turned out her name was Luna Lovegood.Which is another crazy name, it sounds like Loony Valentine. It turns out that Luna usually walks into a random classroom and stays there. She's cool. We just basically talked in our corner the rest of class. Turns out the class is pretty boring. But then again, the class is taught by a ghost who probably lived through all these events. After history, Luna and I went to Care of Magical Creatures. I had COMC with the Hufflepuffs, but Luna came along just for the heck of it (and to make sure I didn't get lost). I swear, the guy who teaches it is a small giant. Which would be like a regular person. Go figure. Anyway, he was big. Really, really big. He scares me. I bet he could snap me in half like a twig. Which is a scary thought that will have me checking in my closet and under my bed for monsters now. He seems harmless enough though (seems being the key word here). After COMC, we had Ancient Runes (aka Latin- which sucks). Luna wandered off elsewhere, to funner and happier places, and Ginny and I just sat through it.

Lunch was pretty uneventful. After lunch, I was walking to Charms with Luna. I was walking under a balcony when I heard "FORE!!!" My first thought was 'Oh, God'. My second thought was 'This will be painful, won't it?'. And my third thought was 'Who the hell would be playing golf in a school? Do wizards even know what golf is?' I looked up, just in time to get beaned on the forehead by a very hard golf ball. Owwie, I have a bruise there now. It took me a few minutes to regain my senses. "My poor head," I said. I heard laughter coming from above me. Which obviously made it seem like someone did it on purpose. People causing me pain makes me mad. Very mad. I did the first thing that came to mind. I grabbed Luna's wand. Luna just watched me. I shouted the first word that came to mind, which happened to be the nonsense word "Stupefy!" Why? I have no clue. Surprisingly, it worked, and I heard "Oof" and the sound of people colliding against a hopefully painfully hard, solid stone wall. I suppose it's a good thing that it worked, because if it hadn't worked, I would have been left standing there, holding out a wand (possibly pointed the wrong way), having most likely attracted everyone in the vicinity's attention while simultaneously accomplishing nothing. Luna was grinning by now. "Good job!" she said. "They were probably part of the Ministry Conspiracy, anyway." I looked at her like she was crazy, which she was. Then I heard "Bloody Slytherins!"

"Uh-oh! Run!" I said to Luna. We took off running as fast as we could to Charms.

Charms was boring, and I had to share Luna's wand because Marn and I still didn't have ours. Apparently all magic doesn't work like that. I just got lucky when I guessed the word. Divination is apparently some form of mixed wizard religion and psychic abilities. That combined with a teacher crazier than my (and I say this in a loving way) off-her-rocker grandmother, it is a pretty intersting experience. I think I speak for everyone when I say she isn't alright in the head. Also, I think Snape and us Foster girls aren't going to get along very well. Marn made him mad too. He took house points from her, which is apparently Not Good. You want to earn enough house points to win the house trophy at the end of the year. It's supposedly a really big honor. Guess Marn's house is out of luck for the next three years or so.


	5. The Great One Sided Hufflepuff War

**Marn's POV**

Herbology was boring, it's kinda just gardening as a class. And I have a black thumb. So pretty much all of my projects will die. However, we did hear something about a Yule Ball. I guess it's some kind of winter formal. Which means I need to secure a date that doesn't make me look like a total loser. And a dress. After that, we went to dinner and then we had to go to the office so we could get our wands and I could go to detention. Yippee. This will be so much fun (rolls eyes).

So we walked all the way across the friggin' castle (this place is huge) and stopped in front of a statue. Luckily Professor McGonagall had told us how to get in and the password to use, so we walked up the stairs to a solid wooden door. I knocked and an old man's voice replied, telling us to come in. So we went in. The room was kinda big and had stone walls and a stone floor. There was an old guy wearing robes sitting in a big chair behind a desk, who I'm going to assume is Dumbledore.We walked over and introduced ourselves, and then McGonagall came in, carrying some boxes. Apparently, she didn't know what kind of wand we needed, so she brought samples of everything they had in the store. She told us to hold each one (apparently not by the pointy end) and cast a spell. Which is all fine and dandy, except I have no idea whatsoever how to use a wand, and Jenn just made stuff up. So I was surprised when "Alohamora" worked, and the door swung open. Jenn jumped about a foot off the ground. By the end, Jenn ended up with a hazel wand with a dragon scale core (whatever that means) that was about 9 inches long. Mine was 10 ½ inches and was made of ash. It had a unicorn hair core. Which is funny, because things like unicorns and phoenixes don't exist.

That's what I thought, until about 5 minutes later when the principal's bird burst into flames. I panicked and immediately thought it was some kind of avian spontaneous combustion. I grabbed the nearest glass (which apparently contained juice) and threw it on the bird. However, I think I might've been a little overexcited, since it splashed all over McGonagall and missed the bird by like 4 feet. Woops It was too late to save the poor little birdie, and it collapsed into ashes. Jenn just gaped at me, but Dumbledore started laughing. He explained that that bird was a phoenix, and that he's totally fine. But I shouldn't stand next to the birdcage when Fawkes looks a little droopy. Because my clothes might catch fire. Ok then. The teachers spent about an hour trying to teach us how to use our wands, before they just gave up and assigned us afterschool classes on Monday and Friday so we could learn how to do magic. On top of Tuesday and Thursday lessons on flying. Which means I'll be up till like 11 every night, detentions notwithstanding But it's okay, because Dumbledore exempted me from that night's detention. How awesome. Okay, it's late, so I should probably sign off now.

**Jenn's POV**

I still cannot believe that Marn soaked McGonagall in what looked like orange juice, and Dumbledore just laughed. No detention, loss of house points, or other assorted punishment. He laughed. Our luck is changing for the better. Or so I thought until five seconds later. I had been walking along toward the dungeons and kind of daydreaming, when, all of a sudden, I ran straight into someone's chest. Someone who happened to be the blond boy. Who put him there?

"Oof," I said, about nine seconds too late. I backed up. "Hello," I said.

"Hello."

"What's your name?"

He looked at me with an eyebrow raised for a moment before replying, "Draco Malfoy."

"Oh, OK. I'm Jennifer Foster. Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too?" He asked/said after a few moments.

"Ok, night," I said and walked off.

Ok, I got a semi-coherent conversation with him. Yay me!

I walked into my dorm and promptly fell asleep when my head touched my pillow.

I woke up, got dressed, and went down to breakfast. I walked over to the Ravenclaw table and sat down next to Marn.

"Guess what I managed to do last night in my half asleep form."

"What?" asked Marn.

"I managed to have a semi-understandable conversation with the blond boy. Who, by the way, is called Draco Malfoy. "

"Yay for you!" she said.

"Don't these British people have the most awful names?"

"I know. I mean Severus Snape? Can you imagine the teasing that kid must of gotten?"

"Must be why he's so very mean. He thinks it keeps us from making fun of his name. Poor guy's delusional."

"Indeed."

**Marn's POV**

I woke up at 6:30 on my first official day as a wand-carrying witch. I got dressed and went to breakfast, even though I wasn't hungry. I figured I could get away with wearing jeans if I kept my cloak closed. No converse, though (sniff). But the dress code has something about black dressy shoes, so I just shined my Docs and threw them on. That's about as fancy as I get. And then I put on the white shirt (the top two buttons undone) and the gray sweater, and looped the tie loosely around my neck. I went to breakfast, where Jenn came up and told me that she met the blond boy officially. My day went pretty smoothly, and I had to go to my first flying lesson. Let me just say that I've never used a broom for anything other than sweeping, so trying to balance on one is way easier said than done. I probably fell on my face a dozen times. Which hurt. A lot. I really hope my nose doesn't get all swollen.

The flying instructor, Madame Hooch, was nice, but pretty impatient. Which I totally understand, because we're kind of slow. But by the end of the lesson, I had actually gotten to the point where I was 2 feet off the ground before I fell on a rock. I got a scratch above my eye, but it's all good. I was flying, for all of about 10 seconds. Jenn was doing better than me, but still wasn't very good. We were using loaner brooms, so I guess we'll have ours shipped before too long. We have to do this for two hours twice a week, so I guess I'll kinda learn it. I had time to eat a super quick dinner, and head off to detention. I had to scrub the floors in the staff bathroom, and Snape made sure to tell me that I couldn't use magic. Like I could do that, even if I wanted to. I did some homework and basically mourned the loss of my internet connection (magical barriers suck ass, and I've been away from my myspace for about 3 months). So I read for a while and that was about it.

**Jenn's POV**

Wednesday flew by and before we knew it we were standing outside an empty classroom. We being Marnie and I. "Here goes nothing," I muttered to Marn. "Yep," said Marn. I swung the door open. "OUCH!!!" I heard from somewhere to my left. Oopsie daisy. We were here to be taught how to actually use our wands. Some other students were supposed to be teaching us. I think I just hit one of them with the door. I could see a brunette Hufflepuff girl laughing. "You're just so graceful Jenn," Marn whispered to me. "I know aren't I?" I replied.

We walked into the classroom and saw a black haired Hufflepuff boy. His nose was bleeding. Something tells me that I won't get along well with him. I wonder what? We entered the classroom and stood in front of the students. Another boy, again a Hufflepuff with reddish-blond hair this time, walked up to us.

"Are you here for the wand lessons?" he asked.

"Umm… yeah."

He nodded and introduced himself (Owen Cauldwell) and the other two (Rose Zeller and Kevin Whitby) before telling us to get our wands out. Then Kevin stepped forward and started telling us how to cast spells. We couldn't really do it at first, so we decided that all witches and wizards must need to have a British accent, and that's probably why you don't hear a lot of stories about successful American witches that didn't get burned at the stake. So we started with Expelliarmus. "Expelliarmus!" said Kevin (with a British accent of course). So we tried it. "Expelliahmus. Expelliamos." Nope. Still nothing. So we moved on to Alohamora. "Aloohamoora. Aloha, mora." Nope, nothing again. So we decided to drop it and use our regular accents. I suddenly remembered saying that Stupefy spell that made those two people fly into the wall. Maybe that would work. "Hey, Marn," I said.

"Yeah?" she asked.

"I think I know a spell that might work for us American witches."

"What's the spell?"

"Stupefy, I think."

"Do you want to try it or should I?"

"You can."

"Kay."

"Stupefy!" Marnie said.

Owen went flying through the air into the wall. The Kevin looked absolutely dumbfounded. Rose seemed to have a mental battle over whether she should laugh or help Owen. She apparently decided to laugh because it took her all of 5 seconds to collapse in a fit of giggles. Owen recovered fairly quickly and cried,

"Bloody Hell! The Americans are attacking us!" Kevin looked shocked that we had hexed his friend. And by we, I mean Marn. Marn looked at me and whispered in a very menacing (not) tone," Jenn, you are in so much trouble if we get out of here."

"Sure," I said.

Rose decided that it would be best to dismiss us, so we left. We were halfway down the hall before we collapsed with laughter. I love this school.


End file.
